bye for now

Yesterday my brother got a call to let him know his friend and boss had passed away. We knew it was going to happen at some stage, but it's still a shock. Is death ever something you get used to?

I didn't know the man very well - just met him a couple of times, and made small talk if I answered the phone when he rang. But my brother talked about him. He was a good man, he had a good heart. He cared for my brother, for us.

Maybe it doesn't affect everyone this way, but when I hear of death, my mind goes back to the people I have lost to death, and the possibility I could lose others as well. It's something I have no control over, and that scares me.

I was scrolling through my gallery, and I saw a photo of words my sister and I put on the letterboard last week. It's a combination of Willow City's song 'Everybody Falls' which has been our unofficial theme song for the past few weeks, and Micah 7:8. "Everybody falls sometimes; but when I fall, I am going to a r i s e again."

How did God know I was going to need those words? Everybody falls. Things happen beyond our control. We don't have the answers we wish for. The question is, am I going to do what I said I would, what God promised I could? Am I going to get up again?

I know I'm not alone in this experience. You fall too. But together we can arise.

"Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me. Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me." Micah 7:7-8

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Also, I never - like once in my life kind of never - write free verse poetry. In fact, I never used to read it either, until Julia converted me with her soul filled words. (Which you ought to check out here. Elizabeth's are also beautiful and Emily's get me every time.) Back to the point: I wrote a poem last night, and it really is the only way I can tell the story.

'bye for now'

my sister laughed as we copied the phrase from the dear old lady

it sounded funny rolling off our tongues 

but it had an old fashioned sweetness and it stuck

we used it regularly

when we meant it

when we were having fun

'bye for now'

then something happened

it didn't make sense

does death ever make sense?

i fought it in my head

tried to understand

to justify or soften the blow

but a person is a person, and a life is a life, and there's no rationializing that

i tried to silence it by sleep

but before I rolled over i whispered a good night phrase to my sister

and somehow the swirl in my brain slowed as reality sunk in

'bye for now'

Thanks so much for listening to my unpolished thoughts, guys. I appreciate you more than I can put into words. I hope you're living in the assurance that in Him goodbyes aren't forever. If fear of death and loss is something you struggle with too, please know you're not alone, and I'd love to be there if you want to talk. Hold on to hope. xx