05 February, 2018

Why God is Real to Me – My Testimony

I’ve often felt like I don’t have a testimony. I was raised in a loving Christian home, I’ve always known about God, and I can’t isolate a moment to call ‘my conversion.’ It seems boring.

But I was praying about how to share, and I felt God say, “Tell my story.” My previous efforts to share my testimony (this isn’t the first time I’ve tried to write this post) failed because I made it about me. It’s not my story. It’s His. And does God ever do anything less than amazing? 

I don’t remember the beginning. My parents were committed Christians, and they brought my siblings and I up, not only to have a knowledge of the Bible, but to cultivate a personal relationship with God. God was real to me. I remember praying in bed each night for my family members, our animals; the things that were important to me. 

When I was seven, something else became real to me: death. My father died from cancer. I was too young to fully comprehend it, but it sent down anchors of fear in my heart – fear of loss, fear of anything permanent. But God is faithful, and He kept us through that trial. My family have never lacked anything we’ve needed. God was all we had, and although it was hard – it still is sometimes – He proved He was all we needed.

I outgrew my childlike faith, I guess, leading up to and during my early teen years. I didn’t think life was fair, and there were things happening in my circumstances at the time I didn’t like. I fought a lot of internal battles. I was angry at people, and I was angry at God. I was waiting for a big enough excuse to justify turning away from Him. I felt nobody understood me, so I journaled a lot. Reading through my old journals I see God being there for me even though I doubted, and drawing me closer to Himself. It was a process of me finding God for myself. 

There was no moment of conversion when my life changed instantly, but God gradually softened me, and proved Himself to me, until I was ready to give Him everything I was and am and will be. The craziest thing is, I didn’t even recognise it – it’s only by reading my old journals and thinking, wow, I actually wrote that?! I’ve realised what God’s been doing in my life. He’s taken away the anger and replaced it with love and compassion for others. He’s working on the fear and selfishness. I found this quote from a powerful book called Steps to Christ, and it sums up my experience:

A person may not be able to tell the exact time or place, or trace all the chain of circumstances in the process of conversion; but this does not prove him to be unconverted. Christ said to Nicodemus, “The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is everyone that is born of the Spirit.” John 3:8 Like the wind, which is invisible, yet the effects of which are plainly seen and felt, is the Spirit of God in its work upon the human heart. That regenerating power, which no human eye can see, begets a new life in the soul; it creates a new being in the image of God. While the work of the Spirit is silent and imperceptible, its effects are manifest. If the heart has been renewed by the Spirit of God, the life will bear witness to the fact.

The Christian life isn’t like boom! Saved and living in hassle-free holiness. Every day I have to give myself to God, I have to choose to say no to fleshly desires in preference to closer communion with Him. It’s hard, I fall, and there are days and weeks when I feel distant from God or hold onto things that keep me from Him. But every time, God is still there. There’s a promise in Jeremiah 29:13 which I really like because I know it’s true: “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” 

It’s because I’ve seen God working I believe – not because I was brought up this way. I’ve seen Him change my own character, I’ve seen Him change other people, and I’ve seen Him answering my prayers, providing direction in life, and being true to what He says in the Bible. I have doubted, but every time He proves Himself to me again.

Knowing God gives me purpose, reason to live, and a way to make sense of life and this world. But more than that – Jesus is not an idea Christians cling to for comfort or perceived hope. Jesus is alive. God is not an idea or philosophy or even belief to me; He’s real. He’s a friend I can talk to and learn from, a father Who can counsel and direct me, and an almighty being who exists to provide what is best for me. I’ve experienced Him, and that’s why I believe.

I want to say so much more –it’s hard to condense the story! – but please know this: God is there. He’s looking to reveal Himself to you in a personal way too. He promises He will be found of us, and, yes, it takes searching for Him with everything we’ve are, but it’s worth every bit of it.

P.s Tell me your stories too! I’m eager to hear how you’ve gotten to the place you are, and what the journey’s been like. And feel free to ask if you have any specific questions about my testimony. Thanks so much for reading, beautiful souls. You are loved! xx

20 comments:

  1. Ok I was so excited to see your story!!!! You aren't boring by any means - no person's testimony is. You are a beautiful example of Grace and I'm proud to call you friend. <3

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    1. Aw, thanks Kara! Your support means heaps to me, and I'm so blessed to call you friend too! Also, I agree: our stories are handcrafted by the Author of perfection - no such thing as boring with Him around! The enemy would just like us to believe otherwise. Thanks again! xx

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  2. What a beautiful testimony, Jessica! I love how you pointed out the fact that it's not really 'our' story, it's His story. Much of this is very similar to my journey in Christ, and I was encouraged by reading about your journey. Thank you for being such a beautiful example of His grace and love! xx

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    1. I'm so glad it was an encouragement to you, Emily - although I can't take any credit! Praise God we're on this path together; it's encouraging to hear that you relate. All glory to Him, and thanks so much for your sweet comment!

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  3. Beautiful testimony Jessica! And you’re right! These aren’t really our stories, but His. And thank goodness He’s alive and real! Sometimes we don’t realize how much God has been working in our lives until we look back and see.
    I’ve been raised in a Christian home, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love Jesus, I was baptized when I was six. Till a couple of years ago then I loved Jesus, but I didn’t let Him be my Lord and Savior, more of a side passenger. Then, gradually, I can’t remember a specific time and place - but as you said then it doesn’t necessarily happen with a boom - God started to show me I wasn’t living the way I should and started showing me what it meant to be a follower of Him. Since then I’ve failed so many times, but in His grace He brings me back up again.
    Thank you for sharing your heart Jessica :).

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    1. Yes, amen! That's definitely the case with me - I only realize in hindsight. Thanks for sharing your testimony in brief! It's always encouraging to hear how God has been working in other's lives. :) Jesus as a side passenger is something I relate to, and still struggle with. But as you said, God's grace works redemption again and again. Thanks so much for your comment, Sarah! xx

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  4. a beautiful story :)

    I know so many people who feel like they dont have a testimony because there was never an AHA moment. sometimes it is gradual. at some point you go from believing in your head to believing in your heart.

    thanks for sharing. you're very encouraging and I think a lot of people needed what you have to say

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    1. Ah, that's the perfect way to describe it; you go from believing in your head to believing in your heart. Thanks a lot for your encouragement, Faith. May God bless you! xx

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  5. It's so awesome to call you Sister. You are beautiful because He is in you. I'm proud of you growing up into who you are!! ;) And also who you will become. I like how you testified that God is real, I think it is the great thing.
    Also I must say I smiled at the idea of 'hassle-free holiness.'
    Stay strong and on your feet looking for fruit even among the thorns.
    xx

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    1. Right back at you, fave. :) You are so encouraging and sweet and kind, and this comment was a huge blessing to me. Thanks so much - I will try. Maybe fruit picking really is my career path in life. ;) xxxxx

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  6. Your story is somewhat similar to my testimony. I have never really had a moment when I thought "it hit me" or I was "changed". I have grown up in a Christian home all my life and have known about God for as long as I can remember. But I do know that am not the same child that I used to be when I was younger. I don't look at sin the same way I used to when I was younger. :) I don't know the exact date I became a Christian, but I do know that the spirit bears witness in me. I hope that makes some since!

    Thank you for this encouraging post!! <3

    ~ Lilly

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    1. Yes, that makes perfect sense! It's amazing how God shapes and changes us, and as long as we're looking at Him, He will continue to work in us. Thanks for sharing and commenting, Lilly! Stay strong! xx

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  7. Hmm, I think I want to share "my" testimony in a blog post, too - "my" in quotes because I second what you said that it's not about me. I'm already making unofficial plans to share it two Saturdays from now. I guess we'll see whether or not the Lord establishes those plans.

    Thank you, Jess, for sharing your testimony. Once again, I am moved by your honesty, and that quote that you shared from Steps to Christ so completely summarized how I think the Lord works in many people's lives who grow up in Christian homes and yet who still need to seek the Lord for themselves. Your story testifies to the saving work of God!

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    1. I'm looking forward to reading your testimony, Jordy! It's always a blessing to hear how God works.

      I feel like this post is a very brief summary - really every day of life is a testimony to the One who sustains us! Praise God, and yes, Steps to Christ is a powerful little book. Thanks so much for your continuing support on this journey! xx

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  8. It was nice to read your story, even though I know some of it. :) thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thanks for reading, and blessing me with a comment. :) I'm thankful He made you a part of my story. xx

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  9. *wants to give you a hug*
    Praise God that He works through difficult circumstances to draw us to Himself! It's such a comfort to know the Lord is always there, guiding us through the trials of life, and always conforming us to His perfect image.

    A few years ago, we suffered a traumatic experience after discovering the pastor of our church plant (and as we later found out, the entire denomination we were members of) didn't truly believe God has preserved His Word, and thought that the Bible contained errors. As a result, we left the OPC denomination - as well as all the people I had known and loved since my childhood.
    For a long time, (and even now occasionally) I struggled with why God would allow our church plant, a ministry dedicated to furthering His kingdom, to blow up in our faces. The Lord is helping me to see that He does everything for a purpose and "except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it." (Ps. 127:1) A hard lesson for sure, but the Lord knew we needed it.

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    1. Aw, thanks Gloria! Sending a hug back! :) Amen - it is the best thing to know.

      Oh wow, that would be hard! It must've felt like everything you knew had been taken out from underneath you. I'm sorry you had to go through that trial, but praise God He's used it for good. Thanks for sharing, and may we both continue to grow in Him, whatever we go through! xx

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  10. I have my testimony on my blog (on the page called 'Eternity') I would love it if you could read it! Hi, I'm new on your blog! <3

    Lily @ lilymaesday.blogspot.com

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    1. Hi Lily! Welcome, and thanks so much for commenting! :) Thanks for directing me to your testimony also - I will go and read it now.

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