Behind Existence

I’d been thinking about this post: what to say and why, relevant verses and experiences, and what I wanted people to get from it. But when I came to actually write, nothing happened.

Some call it writer’s block, but it’s more than that. It’s how I’ve been existing, and I don’t like it. It’s living dry, inspirational-less, motivation-less, lacking energy, lacking joy. It’s a drag. I’m scratching the bottom, wondering why I’m doing what I’m doing. Things that should be spontaneous and life-giving have become forced.  Everything is on the to-do list, and it still doesn’t get done. I blame study or commitments, but that isn’t true because a few weeks ago it wasn’t like this, and all that’s changed is me. Guys, this isn’t life. 

I like to think of life, living, as overflowing: I blog because I have an abundance of thoughts and they have to spill over. I laugh and have crazy dance hugs with my sister because my zeal for living (and lack of sleep) knows no bounds. I study because my desire to be informed to help others needs a release. I share on Instagram because blogging can’t contain all the snippets of inspiration. I randomly create or connect because I’m bursting to bless someone. I pursue God because I can’t stop. It’s a natural result, not anything we can force. It’s living because of something else. Then, everything becomes a blessing, a gift, a special bonus – because this is the overflow. We don’t expect anything from it, therefore everything we gain adds to our delight. It’s blissful, it’s joyful; it’s living. That’s what I want my life to be like.

So, this is where I am: trying to get back to living overflowing. I’ve tried to generate that experience, and it doesn’t work. Lack of sleep, poor eating habits, stress, missed devotion time, extra time on social media – none of that helps, but there is something bigger behind all this which I regularly forget. We discredit it, and then wonder what’s happening to our lives. 

We’re living in a battle zone. There is an enemy. God is real, but He has an opponent who’s plotting our defeat as surely as God has won the victory. This is what I was trying to write four hundred words ago. 

I didn’t want to do the 31 Hugs Challenge this year. I said I didn’t have time, and it’s a lot of effort – every day comes around very frequently. But God knocked some sense into me: did I just say I didn’t have time to give to others? What is my life?! That’s meant to be my focus, my mission, the thing I would love to make more time for. It was a needed reminder to get back to what matters, so I took up the challenge to give every day of October, and it was exciting. 

Then last week – the first week of the challenge – was crazy, busy, tiring, and stressful, between being away, having late nights and early mornings, new units to read and watch for study, and four assignments to do in three days. I had study group meetings, and volunteering, and teaching. I missed an important appointment, and felt pushed and worn. And I was meant to be taking time each day to think of and invest extra in someone else?! I missed a few days – actually, I missed the first day of the challenge. I got discouraged, and started second guessing myself and the motivation behind 31 Hugs.

Then, bam. I had a realisation: this is the devil. He’s on my case muddying things up, getting me discouraged, keeping me busy and distracted, and having everything land on me when I’m trying to do a good thing. 

So this was going to be an amazing strategy-filled post based on Ephesians 6, discussing spiritual armour, and spilling all the things I’ve been thinking out (overflowing, see). But it’s not; it’s life. Sometimes it’s messy and hard, but here’s the truth: it isn’t about us. We’re in the middle of a war, and there is an enemy! He’s the one getting us down, and it’s him we're warring against, not ourselves. But it’s not a battle we have to fight, because it’s already been won. Our job is to claim that and walk in His victory. But it is a shooting ground, and we need armour, we need strength, we need to be in constant communication with the Captain, we need to be familiar with the Guidebook, and we need to prioritize these things, because this is life we’re talking about – eternal life, but also life here, today. 

Jesus came so we could have life, and we could have it more abundantly. He says whoever lets Him flow like water into them, will not only have life, but will have rivers of living water flowing out of them. Let’s go back to the source – the only One who can fill us, give us abundant overflowing life and victory in this struggle.

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Ephesians 6:10 

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How have you all been? I feel like it's ages since I've posted and we've chatted. What are your thoughts on living from the overflow or spiritual warfare? What do you think truly living constitutes of? Also, does anyone else have a hard time naming posts?! Stay strong, friends. xxx