Once I wrote a list of things I hated – actual hates, not dislikes
or pet peeves. I wrote a few things before I saw the theme: I hate feeling
powerless. I hate being in a situation where something awful is being done, but I
can’t do a thing about it. I hate seeing other people hurt and damaged, and I
can’t help. I hate being a viewer behind glass.
But there are times we can reach into people’s lives and hearts.
I have a burden for helping those who are struggling. I don’t know how to help,
what to say, or what to do. I’m awkward and I struggle too. I used to think I
was powerless to help, until I realized: the smallest things can make the
biggest difference. I once read of a girl who, because a stranger smiled at
her, chose not to end her life. That was enough to let her know someone cared. A sentence can change someone’s day. A
thoughtful gift, or kind act, can. We have so many means in our grasp to be
life changers.
Here’s a list of things I’ve found to be helpful in my experience,
and I endeavour to be to others. I have much to learn. But it weighs on my
heart that people are hurting, and some people don’t care, but some of us
(including me) don’t know how to care. It doesn’t have to be hard or big; even
the smallest thing can mean the world to someone. And God always has our back
in this war. Let’s fight darkness.
Be there. This is
the most important thing, and it’s simply showing up. We don’t have to have answers,
or know what to do: just say, “Hey, I’m thinking of you. How are you going?”
Show you’re there.
For me, this mostly looks like sending a note by text, email, or on paper in
real life. It could include phone calls, gifts, doing something for them,
having them over for a meal - small tokens of love and care.
Listen and let them
grieve. We’ve got to understand their perspective, and that means
listening. I have a tendency, when someone is talking about all the negative
things happening, to drill positivity into them. Count
your blessings! Look on the bright side! It might be true, but it’s not
what they need to hear then. These negative things are real in their life and
by glossing over them, we’re not showing respect.
Ask genuine questions.
Ask how they’re really feeling. Get beyond small-talk. Ask how they feel about
themselves. And please, don’t be afraid to ask if they’ve thought of harming
themselves or taking their life. Suicide isn’t always expected, and it’s worth
the awkwardness: death isn’t something you can regret.
Pray for them and
with them. Sometimes prayer is the only thing we can do, but it’s not a
small thing. We’re talking about the all-powerful God here, and He has victory
over darkness. We can claim His promises on behalf of our friends. And if the
person is willing, praying with them is so, so powerful. Someone praying for me
in my hearing is one of the most powerful things I’ve experienced.
Don’t break their
confidence, but. If they share personal struggles, it shows care and
respect to not repeat them to others. We’ll win their confidence and be able to
support them better. But if the person’s life is at risk, we need to tell
someone and get help.
Earn the right to
give advice. It’s natural for me to think solutions and strategies. There’s a problem? Let’s get to the solution
already! But we have to listen and understand where the person is coming
from, and remember it is their choice what they do. You can never have too much
empathy. As they realize we care and understand, they’ll be more open to advice.
Don’t judge. The
other person will feel more comfortable if they sense we’re not judging them. It’s
easy to observe and presume things, but we can’t read minds, and understand
hearts.
I want to challenge myself this week to reach out, notice
the beautiful people God has put in my life, how I can encourage and support
them, and follow through with it. I want to show I’m there, and I care. We can
make a difference; let’s believe it.
If you’re actively investing in someone who is struggling, look
after yourself as well. Getting burnt out, or emotionally overloaded, doesn’t
help us or others. Time with God, good rest, and nutrition, is still a
priority, and sharing confidentially with a trusted friend or mentor can help.
And, friend, if you’re struggling, please know you are not
alone. God invested His heart and soul into you, and no one can take that away. You are priceless, of infinite value. I
care about you, and if you want to talk – I make no profession of being able to
help, but I can listen: blog.applesofgold@gmail.com. No one needs to bear their
burden alone.
Thanks for being there for me, guys. Your lovely comments
have cheered my blue days, and made me believe in my purpose. I know you’ve reached
out to others, and experienced struggles, so what would you add to the list?
What has meant the most when you’ve been struggling? Can I count you in on the
challenge?
