Why God is Real to Me – My Testimony

I’ve often felt like I don’t have a testimony. I was raised in a loving Christian home, I’ve always known about God, and I can’t isolate a moment to call ‘my conversion.’ It seems boring.

But I was praying about how to share, and I felt God say, “Tell my story.” My previous efforts to share my testimony (this isn’t the first time I’ve tried to write this post) failed because I made it about me. It’s not my story. It’s His. And does God ever do anything less than amazing? 

I don’t remember the beginning. My parents were committed Christians, and they brought my siblings and I up, not only to have a knowledge of the Bible, but to cultivate a personal relationship with God. God was real to me. I remember praying in bed each night for my family members, our animals; the things that were important to me. 

When I was seven, something else became real to me: death. My father died from cancer. I was too young to fully comprehend it, but it sent down anchors of fear in my heart – fear of loss, fear of anything permanent. But God is faithful, and He kept us through that trial. My family have never lacked anything we’ve needed. God was all we had, and although it was hard – it still is sometimes – He proved He was all we needed.

I outgrew my childlike faith, I guess, leading up to and during my early teen years. I didn’t think life was fair, and there were things happening in my circumstances at the time I didn’t like. I fought a lot of internal battles. I was angry at people, and I was angry at God. I was waiting for a big enough excuse to justify turning away from Him. I felt nobody understood me, so I journaled a lot. Reading through my old journals I see God being there for me even though I doubted, and drawing me closer to Himself. It was a process of me finding God for myself. 

There was no moment of conversion when my life changed instantly, but God gradually softened me, and proved Himself to me, until I was ready to give Him everything I was and am and will be. The craziest thing is, I didn’t even recognise it – it’s only by reading my old journals and thinking, wow, I actually wrote that?! I’ve realised what God’s been doing in my life. He’s taken away the anger and replaced it with love and compassion for others. He’s working on the fear and selfishness. I found this quote from a powerful book called Steps to Christ, and it sums up my experience:

A person may not be able to tell the exact time or place, or trace all the chain of circumstances in the process of conversion; but this does not prove him to be unconverted. Christ said to Nicodemus, “The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is everyone that is born of the Spirit.” John 3:8 Like the wind, which is invisible, yet the effects of which are plainly seen and felt, is the Spirit of God in its work upon the human heart. That regenerating power, which no human eye can see, begets a new life in the soul; it creates a new being in the image of God. While the work of the Spirit is silent and imperceptible, its effects are manifest. If the heart has been renewed by the Spirit of God, the life will bear witness to the fact.

The Christian life isn’t like boom! Saved and living in hassle-free holiness. Every day I have to give myself to God, I have to choose to say no to fleshly desires in preference to closer communion with Him. It’s hard, I fall, and there are days and weeks when I feel distant from God or hold onto things that keep me from Him. But every time, God is still there. There’s a promise in Jeremiah 29:13 which I really like because I know it’s true: “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” 

It’s because I’ve seen God working I believe – not because I was brought up this way. I’ve seen Him change my own character, I’ve seen Him change other people, and I’ve seen Him answering my prayers, providing direction in life, and being true to what He says in the Bible. I have doubted, but every time He proves Himself to me again.

Knowing God gives me purpose, reason to live, and a way to make sense of life and this world. But more than that – Jesus is not an idea Christians cling to for comfort or perceived hope. Jesus is alive. God is not an idea or philosophy or even belief to me; He’s real. He’s a friend I can talk to and learn from, a father Who can counsel and direct me, and an almighty being who exists to provide what is best for me. I’ve experienced Him, and that’s why I believe.

I want to say so much more –it’s hard to condense the story! – but please know this: God is there. He’s looking to reveal Himself to you in a personal way too. He promises He will be found of us, and, yes, it takes searching for Him with everything we’ve are, but it’s worth every bit of it.

P.s Tell me your stories too! I’m eager to hear how you’ve gotten to the place you are, and what the journey’s been like. And feel free to ask if you have any specific questions about my testimony. Thanks so much for reading, beautiful souls. You are loved! xx